


The Candy Bowl in the Room

by undermyumbreon



Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Halloween, I love Halloween but I also love angstttt, and sadness, and the Crawfords, thepumpkinispeople
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-31
Updated: 2016-10-31
Packaged: 2018-08-27 11:53:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8400709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/undermyumbreon/pseuds/undermyumbreon
Summary: Jack and Bella have a serious conversation about their future on Halloween night after the trick-or-treaters have gone home. They find they disagree on what path to take next in their relationship.





	

     Bella loved the autumn season. The concept of nature giving one last show of color and life before becoming consumed in a bleak and comatose environment amazed her. The fall holiday Halloween especially charmed her with the silly costumes and autumn traditions that built up the spirit of terror and horror. She was grateful that her husband, Jack, shared in her fascination. During their dating years, they would always dress accordingly with each other and sport their matching outfits at parties. They preferred to remain at home and give out candy once their marriage was official. It wasn’t until a few years later that the holiday was slowly becoming dampened with dread for Bella.  
     In her mid-thirties on this Halloween night, children from the neighborhood had arrived with their parents to their home as annual tradition. Beaming smiles filled their faces as they opened their bags and chanted, “Trick or treat!” The children would always yell as if the whole world needed to know their intentions for appearing at the Crawford’s doorstep. The couple would take turns responding to the children’s question with sweets. When Jack would answer the door, he greeted the newcomers with a Frankenstein’s monster mask on his face to give the children a fright. They would laugh or scream, prompting him to remove it and hand out the candy. Bella wore a simple headband that branded two small red horns. As it neared the time when families were headed home to count their collections, Bella was ambushed by an impromptu conversation.  
     "You know Bella, I’ve been thinking..."  
     "What a dangerous thing to do," she teased.  
     Jack laughed, "The kids looked like they were having fun."  
     "Yes, as they usually do on Halloween," Bella knew what Jack wanted to bring up next. He had been mentioning this specific topic for the last few years, especially leading up to major holidays. It started off as a passing thought. Overtime, it became more elaborate. Jack always seemed to weave the idea into their exchanges. He was getting quite good at it, but Bella knew the words that would trigger the conversation topic and risked doing so each day. Within the past year, Jack had mostly dropped the artsy façade and kept pushing the concept bluntly. He was about to do it again and Bella braced herself as she set the bowl of candy down on the hallway dresser.  
     "Maybe one day we’ll be taking our children down the block."  
     Bella looked at the candy bowl and sighed. She never fully disagreed with Jack’s suggestions, but she never left him with the feeling that she was looking forward to motherhood, “I don’t know Jack…"  
     "Do you want children?" he asked. Bella remained silent. This is what had soured Halloween for her. They could no longer join the festivities, or rather any major holiday without Jack mentioning family. Jack spoke softer, "Don’t you... want children?" Pain hit Bella’s chest. She realized that she had hit a point where she could not string Jack’s hopes along any further.  
     "No..." she said quietly.  
     She heard Jack let out a heavy breath, "Are you worried about your age? You’re still young enough to carry a child."  
     “I don’t want to carry a child," Bella admitted.  She looked back at him. His face seemed somber and stern.  
“Do you not like the idea of being pregnant?”  
     “That’s not the issue I have. I would be content carrying a life inside of me. Pregnancy itself is not my fear.”  
     Jack took a moment before responding, "Are you afraid of passing down your genes then?” He seemed rather prepared for her rejection. With the time she had given him, Jack had probably gone over every possible concern Bella would have in opposition to having children.  
     “Yes. I don’t want to place the risk onto my offspring.”  
     "We can always adopt," Jack suggested, almost lighting up at the suggestion, “We can avoid any known chances of our children developing cancer that way.”  
     “The same can’t be said for me though, Jack.”  
     Jack huffed out another sigh, “I’m willing to take that chance.”  
     “I’m not,” Bella said frankly.  
     Jack let out a disgruntled sound. He was obviously growing agitated with her position on the matter, “I understand if you don’t want to carry the child. What I don’t understand is why you are opposed to the possibility of adoption.”  
“I am not opposed to adoption for other people, Jack. I am just opposed to it for us in this life.”  
     “Why?” his tone was harsh.  
Bella tried to maintain her poise, “I can’t guarantee that my future children will have me long in their lives.”  
     “Neither can I Bella! I work to catch the most dangerous people in America every day, but I do it for the safety of future generations, including for our potential children.”  
“Then you should understand that the danger it would be to have children who are always under the threat of losing their parents.”  
     “This is important to me Bella,” Jack stepped closer to her, closing the space between them, "I want to be able to pass down my reputation beyond my field work. I want to be able to create the next chapter of our story for future generations to tell," Jack took Bella’s hands in his gently. His hands were always so calloused, but warm, “I want be able to have someone with me in case you get sick. I don’t want to be the only one who carries on your legacy, my legacy, _our_ legacy.”  
     “Jack…” her voice was sincere as she squeezed his hands. She understood where he was coming from, but he had to understand her reality too, “I watched my mother struggle through the pain that her cancer put her through. I watched my mother die. I can’t predict if I will go through the same fate and I can’t predict when it would happen. I don’t want you to see me go through what I saw my mother endure and I certainly don’t want my children to see me suffer.”  
     Jack was not wavering, “I have seen pain, agony, death, and the absolute worst that humanity has to offer. I can handle this cancer too. I knew that going into our marriage.”  
     “But our children-“ Bella’s shoulders sagged and her hands slipped from her husband’s, “They would be brought into a world where they can’t decide to take that risk as well. They would be forced to accept the reality and undergo it as I had to. I’m not going to put anyone through that without full disclosure of the possibilities.”  
      In one last attempt to convince her, Jack asked her, “And nothing will change your mind otherwise? Not even the chance to have people carry on our name and our story?"  
     “…no…”Jack abruptly left the hallway without another word. Bella heard heavy footsteps travel up the staircase. She assumed he was going to retire early for the night. An emotional weight descended upon her as Bella headed to the living room. At least he had managed to keep himself from calling her Phyllis. Especially in his displeased voice. It would always turn her stomach into a knot.  
  
  
    Bella had read a book for nearly an hour on the couch when she heard padded footsteps make their way down the creaky staircase. They entered the room and Bella felt a weight sit beside her a moment afterword. She finished the sentence she was on and placed a marker on her page before setting the book down on the cushion beside her. Bella turned her attention to Jack. To her surprise, he no longer appeared agitated. His shoulders were relaxed.  
     “Yes, Jack?”  
     He took a while to respond. Jack was staring at his hands, which rested on his lap, “It’s going to take me a while, but I think I’ll be able to move on from this,” Bella was caught off guard by the sudden change in Jack's stance on the matter. She watched him shift on the couch and turn his face towards hers. Their eyes met and she could see love had returned to his, “When you didn’t give me a straight answer on the matter before, I suspected that you were not in favor of having children. I’ve had time to accept that reality. I wanted to keep giving it a chance until you told me the truth.”  
     Bella let his words sink in. She was relieved that he had already made assumptions about her position on the situation, but it saddened her to hear that he was already struggling with the idea that she would reject parenthood. She felt one of his hands nudge hers and she looked down. He took her hand and put something plastic in it. Bella opened her hand and laughed at the object in her hand.        
     “Sugar Babies,” she grinned. Jack chuckled as Bella placed her hand on his arm, “Thank you…”  
     For the rest of the evening, the couple remained quiet and cuddled on the couch as they shared the candy. The next morning, Bella felt as if a weight had been lifted off of her chest. She felt the tension between her and Jack had disappeared and she didn’t have to tread carefully during their conversations anymore. Bella knew the topic would come up again eventually, especially with Jack's persistent nature. The holiday season was rounding the corner and surely a family member would ask about it, but she was prepared to defend herself. For now, she would resume enjoying the beautiful display of the autumn season.


End file.
